Now you had a first dinner, the Parisian girl needs to see how you behave in public, it mean she want you to come with her to a “Party” and meet her friends.
There is many kind of parties in Paris, and let’s face it you will feel uncomfortable in a majority of them ( if your not a snobbish asshole ).
So here we go, let’s describe the variety of parties you can land in.
01 : Snobbish party at someone’s place.
Most of the time the party take place at the apartment of someone richer and more handsome than you.
Don’t look for beers or chips … You enter now in the kingdom of crude vegetables sticks and red wine in a plastic goblet.
There is 3 kind of people in this parties :
- Your future Parisian girl-friend’s friends who are all actual Parisians girls too, so i let you imagine how deep your night is going to be.
- Boys that have a better job and a better look than you ( don’t fight, just accept it )
- The weird / old/ out of contest/ dude or girl that every one is making fun of ( if you are lucky it will not be you )
Dress code :
- dress like you have a fascinating job and you are handsome … if you are not and you work in a fast food … don’t go to this party and forget the Parisian girls.
02 : Night club hell.
Going to a night club with your girl is like to go to the bakery with your baguette under your arm … useless.
But some Parisian girls like to “dance” and she can’t just “dance” in a normal place, she absolutely need a place where normal, cool, and smart people can’t enter.
Yes in France there is Night clubs, and there is Parisian Night clubs, where all the egocentric / bio-friendly/ hipsters/ dick heads/ only are allowed.
Being a Parisian Night club Douche bag is a full time job, you need to look like you don’t give a shit about anything but at same time to be perfectly into the last retarded fashion.
Dress code :
- try to look like Jesus, not because your the son of god, just the looks, long dirty hair, beardy face, jacket that you wouldn’t even wear for jumping in the mud.
03 : Varnishing-day of a incredibly untalented artist / singer.
How many times it happened to you ?
The girl tells you “my friend plays in a band and they give a concert in a bar tonight, you wana come ?”
After the irritating succession of cats emasculation that the band want you to believe was music, you can’t even start to say what you think about the show cause the singer is a friend of the girl you want to put in your bed…
well if you want to date a Parisian girl this kind of situation are coming at you…
In the brain of a Parisian girl music is only interesting if nobody else is listening to it … so to be sure that she is the only one to know about it, she will do all she can to go listen to unknown bands in the back-room of a dirty bar
04 : Picnic near the Seine river.
In the summer Parisian girls want to go back to basics and they all need to do a picnic, but in the center of Paris, the only place you can actualy sit is on the Seine river wharf.
Normally in a natural space, a picnic is already a pain in the ass : ants, mosquitoes, wet ground, rain, wolfs… But in Paris its even worse :
- Your ass gonna hurt after 10 min, forcing you to stand up every 30 min.
- The ground is covered with dog poo, old cigarettes, chewing gum, and broken glass.
- The Seine just stink in summer, if you are lucky it will smell like shit, if you have no luck , like fish.
On top of that, you will have the pleasure to meet the best parasites of the world :
- The alcoholic Hobo that wants some red wine, if you are lucky he will leave after you given him something to drink.
- The alcoholic Hobo that will stay with you and start to speak to anyone who cross his eyes, insulting everyone after 5 min.
- The guitar guy, he want alcohol too but what he really want is inside your girls bra… and he will not leave until he get a phone number.
- The Suburbs guys who want to drink, eat for free ( do a picnic with only broccolis and water and they will not stay long, except if a girl of your group got big cleavage )
Top pic byTwitter It!